Questioning Non-Chess Players (3.0)
Hello there, welcome to the Lightning Reports! Way back in January, I introduced a new blog idea when I questioned several non-chess players about chess for the first time. 4 months later, I did it again. And now, given how many people have asked for more, I'm back with the 3rd edition of my Questioning Non-Chess Players series! I've found 3 new NCPs to question, all highschoolers - they are my lil sister's friends, so I don't know them, and I have no clue how they'll respond to the 21 chess-related questions. All I know is it'll be highly amusing to read through what they had to say. So, without further ado, let's get to it!
Me: "If you want to remain anonymous, please say so below. Otherwise, enter a name, whether it be yours or not."
NCP 1: "Duckford"
(Hi, Duckford. That’s an, um, interesting name.)
NCP 2: "addison 😏"
(Hi, Addison 😏, I think you’re the first NCP I’ve questioned who has an emoji in their name. So. Um. Good job?)
NCP 3: "Dumpy mick dumb dumb"
(Hi, Dumpy mick dumb dumb? Yeah I’m not gonna question that.)
QUESTION ONE
Me: "How did you first come to know the existence of chess?"
Duckford: "My bothers"
(You have cool brothers. Any brother who teaches their sibling chess is a remarkably cool person. Obviously.)
addison 😏: "from my friend who would try and teach me chess but it didn’t work out"
(You have a cool friend. Too bad it didn’t work out, but anyone who attempts to teach their friend how to play chess is a remarkably cool person. Obviously.)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "Saw it on Jessie The tv show"
(Huh, alright. That’s got to be the first time I’ve heard that one.)
QUESTION TWO
Me: "Have you ever even played chess before?"
Duckford: "Yes"
(Oh. Good. As you should.)
addison 😏: "not correctly"
(I mean, that’s fine, playing chess incorrectly is fun, too. For sure.)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "Nope not at all"
(Oh, poor you.)
QUESTION THREE
Me: "Why don't you play chess?
Duckford: "I do"
(Do you, though? Do you)
addison 😏: "because there’s checkers"
(Ewwww how could you say that? Checkers? Cmon, that’s just offensive... checkers. Bleh.)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "Cause I rather watch tv"
(I mean, yeah, ok, fair lol)
QUESTION FOUR
Me: "What do you think about chess in general?
Duckford: "It's a game"
(Wait, it’s a game? What a surprise.)
addison 😏: "a game where you move things around"
(I mean… you aren't wrong. That's fair.)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "Um, I think it's like checkers"
(Excuse me… what? Nonononono, chess is nothing, NOTHING, like checkers. Ew.)
QUESTION FIVE
Me: Do you think chess is just some old game for nerds?
Duckford: "No"
(Fantastic)
addison 😏: "nahhhhh"
(Also fantastic)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "No I just don't like it"
(Oof ok)
QUESTION SIX
Me: "Do you think people who play chess have a higher IQ?"
Duckford: "Yes"
(Cool)
addison 😏: "yeah because technically you use logic"
(Thanks for providing reasoning. That's an interesting reason to give. Are you saying that, just by using logic, you have a higher IQ? Wow, truly shocking. That's crazy.)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "Yes probably"
(Sure ok)
Btw to those of you who are reading this, what would your answer to this question be?
QUESTION SEVEN
Me: "Do you think chess is an esport, sport, both, or none of these things?"
Duckford: "No"
(Bleh)
addison 😏: "what’s an esport 😭"
(Lol so from what I understand, an esport is basically a competitive video game. So competitive online chess could be considered an esport and is by many.)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "None"
(Bleh)
QUESTION EIGHT
Me: "What well-known chess players can you think of?"
Duckford: "Idk"
(C'mon man what about Magnus? I’m just sayin, a chess player should know who Magnus is at least. I do think he plays chess, but not in the same sense that you or I do, ya know?)
addison 😏: "I have no clue whatsoever"
(Ah that's normal)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "Not me"
(Indeed. I can confirm you are not a well-known chess player lol)
QUESTION NINE
Me: "What would it take for you to properly learn how to play chess?"
Duckford: "I know how"
(I lowkey wanna play you now. At this point, I don't doubt you can play chess. But I do wonder if you could stop me from checkmating you in 4 moves...)
addison 😏: "a good teacher"
(fair enough)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "If you pay me"
(I mean, ok sure. I found a penny earlier, you’re welcome to have it in exchange for you taking one lesson.)
QUESTION TEN
Me: "What is your favorite chess piece and why?"
Duckford: "The queen because it's very versatile"
(True, true, good reasoning)
addison 😏: "a horse because idk i like horses"
(Hm fair enough. Just to clarify, it’s actually called a knight. But by all means, you go ahead and keep on calling it a horse lol)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "Um the white one, because it's white"
(Errr OK then, no comment, except that you probably could have phrased that a bit better lol)
QUESTION ELEVEN
Me: "What are your thoughts about chess streaming, YouTubing, blogging, and any other form of chess content there is?"
Duckford: "I think it's cool"
(Good answer. Cool.)
addison 😏: "good for them ✨ I don’t watch it but congratsss"
(Sure. Same. And thanks, I think? Lol)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "Um there boring like me"
(Boring? Am totally offended. Oh, and I kind of agree, cause I generally find chess content boring. Also, I doubt this person is actually boring... My sister wouldn’t be friends with someone who is boring, that’s not like her.)
QUESTION TWELVE
Viewer question from @ricorat, who asks: "How do you view people who play chess?"
Duckford: "Fondly"
(Alright nice)
addison 😏: "smart, a little nerdy, probably funny"
(Smart and nerdy, I get. But funny? I'm very curious to hear why you would think people who play chess are funny lol)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "There nice, unlike my friend hehe"
(Cool. And yes, your friend is not nice, I agree, hehe)
QUESTION THIRTEEN
Viewer Question from @assassin3572, who asks: "How do you view cheating in chess?"
Duckford: "Badly"
(Good, good)
addison 😏: "playing the way i do"
(Concerning, but ok, cool lol)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "If I see it happen"
(That's... that's not what I meant by view lol but yes you are technically correct.)
QUESTION FOURTEEN
Viewer Question from @DonRajesh, who asks: "Would you have added chess in the Olympics?"
Duckford: "No"
(Yeahhh that's understandable)
addison 😏: "no 😭"
(Again, understandable)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "Maye, but maybe not"
(Heyyyy we got a maybe, woohoo)
QUESTION FIFTEEN
Viewer Question from @Rodgy, who asks: "If you had a lesson with the greatest chess player of all time, Magnus Carlsen, how much would you be willing to pay for a one hour session?"
Duckford: "50 cents"
(Yikes. Something tells me Magnus isn’t gonna teach you for just 50 cents…)
addison 😏: "gotta save my money, sorry)
(Yeah, fair. So the answer is 0, got it.)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "I wouldn't even go to the lesson"
(... I laughed more than I should have at that lol)
QUESTION SIXTEEN
Viewer Question from @spickwick, who asks: "How much money do you think that somebody could make off chess?"
Duckford: "A good living"
(Good answer, but now I wonder what you consider to be a good living... lol)
addison 😏: "i mean a lot if they play professionally"
(That's pretty accurate in general, actually)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "1,000"
(1,000. Hm, ok then. I'll just briefly confirm that you can make much more than that from chess lol)
QUESTION SEVENTEEN
Viewer Question from @colorfulcake, who asks: "If you got to name a new chess opening you invented, what would it be called?"
Duckford: "Idk"
(Idk. Yeah, ok. The Idk Opening sounds really great to me. I wanna try that out.)
addison 😏: "chess for cheaters"
(Chess for cheaters, I like it. But I've been told that it is already an opening. It goes, 1. d4 Nf6 2. c4 and your opponent will resign due to suspecting you of cheating. Works every time.)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "Black and white"
(Hm interesting)
QUESTION EIGHTEEN
Viewer Question from @ricechessmaster1, who asks: "If you were to start playing chess today, how long do you think it would take you to become a chess master?"
Duckford: "A few years"
(Dude. If it only takes you a few years to master chess... teach me, please)
addison 😏: "a very long, excruciating time"
(Hehe yep, that's accurate)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "Probably 100 years, I'm not that smart"
(Hey, 100 years, not bad. At least you think you'd get there)
QUESTION NINETEEN
Me: "Any interest in playing a game of chess with me? Think you could beat me?"
Duckford: "Sure and probably not"
(Haha alright)
addison 😏: "sure it would be fun, and absolutely not you would destroy me"
(Lol sure. And maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't. Maybe we'll find out eventually.)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "Probably not to both"
(Lol fair enough)
QUESTION TWENTY
Me: "How many views do you think a chess blog, written by a chess player and posted on a chess website, will get?"
Duckford: "20,000"
(Ayyyyy 20,000, respect. I strongly doubt it, but that would be very cool.)
addison 😏: "depends on how many are watching :/ let’s go with 100"
(True, true. I think we can beat 100 tho... right? Lol)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "What is a blog? Pizza"
(Um. Yes, pizza. That sounds good, let's go with that. Pizza 🍕)
QUESTION TWENTY-ONE
Me: "Summarize your thoughts about chess in one final statement."
Duckford: "I think it is a challenging game"
(Agreed. It is indeed a challenging game.)
addison 😏: "a game of logic, which of i don't use"
(It's ok, most people don't use logic anyway, cause like, why bother?)
Dumpy mick dumb dumb: "Bleh"
(Bleh. I feel that.)
THE "GOOD JOB, YOU MADE IT TO THE END" PART OF THE BLOG
Good job, you made it to the end. I sincerely hope you enjoyed part 3 of my Questioning NCPs series. Be sure to check out part 1 and part 2 if you enjoyed this post. Should we continue this with a part 4? Let me know down in the comments below!
I thought these 3 NCPs gave pretty good answers overall, and I found it very enjoyable reading through what they had to say. What about you guys, what did you think? And who gave the best answers?
Again, thanks for reading! I hope you you laughed at least a little while reading this. Regarding future posts, I dunno what my next blog will be about, but I'll post something at some point in October. But that's all for now. Thanks again. cya in the comments!
