Journey to NM - Tilted

JUNE 1ST

Ya know. Life really does come at ya fast. Things sure can change in a hurry. Not long ago, I would have told you I am at my very best in chess, stronger than ever. You see. In April I reached a new peak rating. In May, I did it again. I climbed all the way up to 2157, and at long last it seemed my breakthrough had occurred and was heading toward NM. To make things even better, in early June I drew a GM! Granted, it was a 20-minute game, but it is one I was quite proud of and certainly helped me believe this may just be my year. I mean, hey, look at this game...

Look, it's not often I'm gonna tell you straight up that I played a great game. Normally I'd tell you I played ok, or I got lucky, or something like that. But this is one of the few times I'm gonna say it... I played a great game. I was genuinely proud of that game. Sure, in the end, I choked my winning chances away in the time scramble, but still, a draw against a GM felt amazing to me. And yes, it was a 20+5 game, but it was probably also one of the best games I've ever played.

This occurred on June 1st. A week after reaching my peak USCF rating of 2157, I drew a freakin Grandmaster - and I should have won. That game, plus me being at my peak, had me feeling fairly confident heading into the World Open... and yet, as it turns out, that was the beginning of the worst stretch of chess in my life.

JULY 13TH

After the disaster that was my 2024 World Open experience, I swiftly sought to regain my rating. No more biding my time for the right tournament, now is the time to strike. Thus, on July 13th, I found myself participating in a local Alabama tournament (time control G60 d5). Surely I won't lose rating in two consecutive events, I can bounce back. Just focus and play good chess. I was confident that I could regain the 22 points I lost in Philly. And ya know what, it started fairly well in Birmingham...

Round 1 there worked out well for me, I was happy. 1 down, 3 to go. Due to some surprises on other boards, however, I was somehow paired with a 1600 in round 2. As someone who is trying to gain his rating back... I wasn't thrilled by this. But it's fine. If I just win out, I get my rating back. 

Heh yeah, I was not super happy with my opening play in this game but it worked out pretty well. I then received a rare break in between games, a welcome change indeed as it has become common for me to use up all of my time and end up with extremely short breaks. I had a lot of time to kill. I spent a lot of it just trying to figure out what to eat for lunch... and then analyzing my first two games, to ensure I wouldn't repeat any mistakes. You would think that with all this downtime I would be rested and ready to play a good round 3 game, right? NAH. Instead... I was surprised in the opening, promptly fell down a ton on time, and had to fight back from a rough position...

Well. I spent a lot of time in the opening while he played fast... I played a sloppy middlegame... I was fortunate when he finally slipped up and gave me a great position, but I choked it away with low time anyway. Yikes. Not ideal. Of course, at the time, I was pretty happy to have just not lost the game. I even told him it seemed appropriate we drew since he was winning, and then I was winning... oh well. I can still earn some rating from this event by winning the last round. However, my round 4 opponent earned a forfeit win and entered round 4 well-rested. I enter round 4 with little to no break. But that... does not at all excuse what you're about to see. This is unacceptable.

Yeah. That's rough. I really don't know what I was thinking in that middlegame. I just drew a blank, I couldn't think what to do, and I ended up playing poorly. Somehow, I still had chances in the endgame... but in what has become a painfully familiar theme, I had little to no time in the end. Maybe I can hold that to a draw if we both have a good bit of time on the clock, but my pitiful time management said no (even with time on the clock it would have been a challenge to hold a draw there anyway). So as a result... I actually lost rating in this tournament, dropping from 2135 to 2127. It's rough because... if I just capitalized in round 3 and beat Xavier... and if I just played sensibly in this game... this could be a very different story. But instead, this is my story, and I lost 8 points at the Birmingham Classic, on July 13th.

JULY 20TH

While it was frustrating to throw the tournament in Birmingham, I have another shot at redemption the very next weekend in Montgomery. It was Alabama's Dual-Rated Championship, a faster event I've won twice before, the time control being 45+10. I figured my time management would have to be better here as I had to play fast. Oh, bless my heart. I enter this event foolishly believing I couldn't have three bad events in a row, surely I will bounce back. I felt prepared against everyone I thought would be there, and I truly believed I could earn back all my rating. 

I stopped believing after round 1.

Yeah. So. Drawing an 1800 does NOT help me gain back rating. On the contrary, that's about an 8-point loss. I played poor, sloppy chess, somehow still reached a completely winning position, and then threw away my winning chances in the time scramble. I don't deserve to win when I play like that. But hey, it's just one game. Win the next three and I still gain a decent amount of rating, perhaps.

So, yeah, round 1 was really bad.... but wait, there's more!

Yeah. That was completely horrendous. That's on me for playing a cheesy opening. I should have just played like a normal human being. Instead, he played very well, and I lost a ton of time early on, and then when the game got more and more complicated... I had no time to sort through it, and he continued to play well. Sam was always bound to beat me one of these days, I had no doubt. I knew this was coming eventually. I just wish it had been under different circumstances... cause now I am estimated to drop all the way down to 2101. It's no longer about gaining back the rating I previously lost... it's about not losing more! Dropping below 2100 would be so very painful. But hey, I get to play a 1500 next (which I deserve for such a poor performance), surely that will help. Right?

Heh. I've been performing so poorly that I'm not even confident against this 1500. The way things are going, I expect this to be a real struggle. 

Heh well, before she finally slipped up, it sure felt like a struggle. She was playing quite well I thought, I'm just thankful for the Nxg2 tactic. It felt great to finally win a game... but I didn't have long to enjoy it. Even that game took forever, and there was hardly a break between this game and the next. The next game is highly important, however... my current estimated rating is 2103. If I lose this game... I will drop below 2100. Win or draw and I'm fine. Heck, a win would actually earn a tie for second place, which I found rather baffling due to how horribly this event has gone. I'm losing rating no matter what, but I am thankful for a chance to finish strong here.

Well... there you have it. Another poorly played game, more bad time management, and another drawn/winning ending that I choked in a time scramble. Nothing new, just read this blog and my last blog. Lightning... is slow, y'all. I am slow. I remember when I was known for my fast play... I've definitely lost it. I dunno what's goin on with me, but it's a big problem. With this loss... I finished this tournament with a 1.5/4 score. And I dropped from 2127.... to 2091. Less than three weeks ago I was 2/2 at the World Open and was projected to go up to 2169. And now... I am 2091. This is my journey to NM, and for the first time in forever, I... am... tilted.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Well, y'all, in my last 3 tournaments I lost 66 rating points. I went from NM hopeful to having to question if I've been overrated this whole time. As someone who was just at his peak rating of 2157... how do ya think I'm feelin? Honestly, it hurts a lot to drop below 2100. After THREE CONSISTENT YEARS staying above 2100... I'm down to 2091. It absolutely hurts. And ya know... I'd tell ya I'm way stronger now than I was in 2021. And yet... I was higher rated 3 years ago than I was now. Funny how that works. I hit 2100 almost 3 years ago in 2021 at the Denker, and honestly with how long I had managed to stay above 2100, I didn't really think I'd ever fall below it. But a few bad tournaments with horrid time management, numerous games thrown under time pressure, several losses to lower-rated players, and no good wins... that's how you lose rating. I am tilted. Truly I don't know what is wrong with me, but the results aren't there. I've run out of luck I guess. I'm doing something wrong and I have to figure things out. I know my time management needs to be fixed. My opening repertoire needs to be fixed up. My tactical vision and calculating abilities need to improve. I need to work harder than ever if I'm going to get to NM someday but first I have to figure out why I'm suddenly not a 2100 anymore... I just haven't been good enough. It's my own dang fault I got tilted and I can't blame anyone but me.

I'm going to play in Alabama's state championship in a little over a month because I feel like I should put forth some sort of a title defense at least. But after that, I'm likely taking a break for a few months. I might not play at all after state until February. Or even later, I really don't know. I just know I'm tilted, and I'm chessed out, and I'm due for a break. I'm gonna try to figure things out... but have no doubt, my friends, although it'll take a while, I WILL bounce back stronger than ever. I'm going to get back to the 2150s. I will earn all my rating back. My journey to NM is long and painful... this, the tilt, is the biggest obstacle on the path thus far. But as much as I'm hurtin in the chess world right now... I remain positive and optimistic, we're gonna get there in due time. Alabama is gonna have to deal with an annoyed and seemingly  underrated Lightning now... I look forward to the opportunity to stop the tilt and hopefully reach 2100 again. The journey continues, y'all... stay tuned.

THE "GOOD JOB, YOU MADE IT TO THE END" PART OF THE BLOG"

Good job, you made it to the end. This was a long and mostly sad blog, so if you read the whole thing... 1. I'm sorry, 2. I'm impressed, this wasn't a fun one. See, I intend to cover my journey to NM, and that includes the bad parts as well as the good. I can't show my triumphs but leave out the beatings I take along the way. I'm gonna learn from these games... and I hope y'all can as well. See my mistakes and do NOT make them yourself.

As previously mentioned, I'll be playing in Alabama's state championship in a little over a month. I don't expect to win it again, but I'm not letting my title be taken without a fight. I'm bringing my A game and a new chess set, and I'm comin in annoyed and underrated... one way or another, it's gonna be one heck of a tournament. Y'all will get a recap of that in early September. After that... really, I don't know what's next. July was supposed to be a good month for me, but instead, I'm not even 2100 anymore. We'll see how state goes, and then I'll decide how long of a break I'll take. In any case, thank y'all so much for reading, I truly hope you enjoyed your time here or at least learned something from my mistakes. Sorry to let y'all down with this one, just when I had finally broken through... I tilt 66 points in 3 weeks. Lord willing, I'll gain back my rating in just a couple of tournaments, but we'll see. So for now, this is all I've got for ya, thanks for the support, I'll see y'all in the comments 🙃