Let me be so kind as to define the following:

BOXPERSON

DEITY STAGE (divine, holy, god's gift)

This is what happens when a typical 'lump' is promoted to Box so as not to further detract from the dice pit. The 'lump' shows up for work in his first day in his best $100 polyester suit and the loudest tie from his dad's closet. This suit has miraculously transformed him from a liability to the casino to A CRAPS GOD! Although yesterday he couldn't figure the vig on a buy bet, today he has suddenly acquired more knowledge and wisdom than the entire staff combined! He will waist no time in displaying his new found power for all the world to see! This stage will usually last for about two years or until enough dealers key his car and kick his ass!

RAT STAGE

During this time the boxman has learned that he does not have the control that he thought he did in the DEITY stage. He is now forced into silence on the game in order to save face with all the ugly, toothless, sagging breasted women he tells to come play. He must resort to 'RATTING' out the dealers to the floorperson and Pit Manager which is met with the same love and affectionate ass kicking as the DEITY stage. The RAT stage will last anywhere from five years to life - dependant upon whether or not the boxman has to keep changing jobs because his car and medical insurance rates keep climbing. This leads to the third and final stage:

SLEEPER STAGE

He generally can't remember the last number rolled on the dice let alone who's shooting or what the 'point' is. He consistently mumbles something about "in his day, the dealers...." This happens when this "lump" turned "god" finally realizes that the only real job he has, is to learn to sleep with his eyes wide open!

FLOORPERSON

Rating players and supervising crap games sound like serious business however the duties of the floorperson is relatively simple; Kiss alot of ass (i.e. the customers, dealers, pit managers etc..) and

LOOK FOR PUSSY!

(This is the real reason you see floormen on the phone all the time)

The title of floorperson or 'Floor' as we like to call it is based upon the fact that players throw the dice off the craps table numerous times each shift. This is where our unsung hero is drafted into action as our champion retriever of the ol mighty die, for when the "DIE DOWN" call comes, he or she will stop everything for this privileged imperious duty. What makes this ritual so precious is that most casinos install red carpeting. There is a bit of humor watching someone look for a small red cube on red carpet 'twirling in circles with his palms up in confusion' - especially with the help of their boxperson who points north and a little to the left and the dealer who points west, back, back, a little more to the right! (Bonus points are scored when a player already handed the die in.) The typical floorperson will generally dedicate their career to the life values of the 'DEITY' and 'RAT' stage learned as a Boxperson to extreme levels.

PIT MANAGER

The Pit Managers day will usually start with a pre shift meeting where he will tell the Shift Manager how slim he looks in his new suit and how irritated he gets when he learns the Floor people trash talking about his clothes selection. Throughout the rest of the day the Pit Manager will flirt with every woman within eyesight. He will confide in every floorperson in the pit that he "can't stand all the other floor people". By now, of course, the Pit Manager has become an expert at dodging bullets and covering his ass. Any problems that may arise during the shift where a crucial decision must be made that may lead to a customer being dissatisfied or angry, will be avoided at all costs! If it can't be avoided, then the closest dealer is screwed!

ASSISTANT SHIFT MANAGER

This may be the worst job in the building. Whoever takes this job must either be ambitious and wants to succeed to the next level, or has a serious self-destructive nature that should be addressed with therapy and xanex. This Person must do all the duties of a "lead" Pit Manager as well as all of the work done by the Shift Manager, or how shall we say...the work that the shift manager doesn't want to do. And there is a catch.....You have nobody to complain to!

CASINO SHIFT MANAGER

The duties of the Casino Shift Manager is to listen to everyone complaining from the customers that can't get a higher credit limit, the dealers whining about the Boxman, the Floor people bitching about working in BJ , the Pit Boss complaining about the stupid ass dealers that you hired and the Asst Shift Manager's concerns about work overload. The other duty is to listen dispassionately to all the excuses that accompany anything that goes wrong. The bottom line: Fix everything the dealers, Box, Floor and Pit managers screwed up! In addition, let us not forget about the daily ass chewing from the Casino Manager about how much money your shift consistently loses each day!

CASINO MANAGER

The Casino Manager is a very prestigious position! You get to generate as many new memos with your name on them as you want and you can CC them to EVERYBODY! You can also rewrite casino procedure as often as you like-two or three times a year! But mostly you just get to hang out in your new office except when you go into the Pits and shake hands with those three dealers every Friday night- don't worry if you can't remember their names after six or seven weeks- you can just make the name tags bigger so you don't look like an idiot each week. He or she (yeah right) has to make sure that the casino is a positive and profitable work place and that all 5000 employees are working together towards a common goal!!! But don't sweat it, if all else fails, you can blame the attitudes of those three dealers whose names you can't remember!

VICE PRESIDENT OF CASINO OPERATIONS

My oh my, doesn't that sound impressive? Say it with me..............

"VICE PRESIDENT OF CASINO OPERATIONS!"

Wow, you always have to take a breath! Now let's say it one more time, the way it should be.......

"SECRETARY"

That's right, if you can hit the career lottery jackpot you too can have this high end six digit salary job where your main responsibility is to kiss, cover, wipe, powder, and cater to the ass of the C.O.O. (Chief Operating Officer)

CHIEF OPERATING OFFICER

This is "da man" boys and girls! The "top dog", the "big cheeze" the "big kahuna"; but the life expectancy of this position doesn't seem to be very long. However, when coming into a new property the C.O.O. will completely rearrange the casino floor, cut the payroll by 5% (by laying off any individual whom he may see as a threat, oops, I mean whose job title falls under the "change of personnel") He may ask his entire hourly staff to come down and sing a merry little song to him at 4 am (just to make himself welcome) Who knows he may even spend $200,000 of corporate money to produce a three hour stage extravaganza starring himself of course, make a video suitable to major motion picture releasing and make it mandatory that each and every employee not only watch it, but they must like it! A really good C.O.O. may rewrite the code of life values that mom and dad taught you and use age old tactics utilized by such great leaders as Jim Jones, Charles Manson and David Karesch to drive them home. But fear not, the reign of terror is usually short lived, for just as your C.O.O is about to settle in, his SECRETARY is knockin at the door!

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