Q: How did the two dead brothers do in school? A: They were dead even.

Q: What vegetables do librarians like? A: Quiet peas.

When I was teaching kindergarten and had a cold, I would often get laryngitis with it. One day a student asked me, “Do you have a frog in your nose?”

Q. Are any Halloween monsters good at math? A. No—unless you Count Dracula!

Q. Why is Cinderella so bad at soccer? A. Because she always runs away from the ball!

Q. Why is Peter Pan flying all the time? A. He Neverlands!

Did you hear the one about the little mountain? It's hill-arious!

Q. What's a banana peel's favorite type of shoe? A. Slippers!

Q. What did the big flower say to the little flower? A. Hi, bud!

Q. How do vampires start their letters? A. "Tomb it may concern..."

Q. What's a writing utensil's favorite place to go on vacation? A. Pencil-vania!

Q. How does the Man in the Moon cut his hair? A. Eclipse it!

Q. Where do polar bears keep their money? A. In a snow bank!

Q. Why did the dinosaur cross the road? A. Because chickens didn't exist yet!

Q. Why was the broom late for school? A. It overswept!

Q. What do you call a duck that loves making jokes? A. A wise-quacker!

Q. What did the finger say to the thumb? A. I'm in glove with you!

Q. What did one pickle say to the other pickle who wouldn't stop complaining? A. "Dill with it."

Q. What's really fast, loud, and tastes good with salsa? A. A rocket chip!

Q. What has hundreds of ears but can't hear a thing? A. A cornfield!

Q: Why didn't the zombie go to school?

A: He felt rotten!

Q: Which fruit is a vampire's favorite?

A: Neck-tarine!

Q: How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern? A: You use a pumpkin patch!

Q: What do Italian ghosts have for dinner?

A: Spook-hetti!

Q: What dog breed would Dracula love to have as a pet?

A: Blood hound!

Q: Why is a cemetery a great place to write a story?

A: Because there are so many plots there!

Q: What do female ghosts use to do their makeup?

A: Vanishing Cream!

chess hollers