Now ik you can't read all of this (story)

A beautiful young woman is standing at the edge of a pier in New York City, debating jumping in and drowning herself
A sailor passing by sees her and yells, “Lady! Don’t jump! I don’t know what the problem is, but it’s certainly nothing worth killing yourself over!”
She tells the sailor, “I’ve just been so depressed with my life. Nothing I try works and everything ends in failure. I don’t see the point in going on.”
To which the sailor replies, “Well look, my ship is about to leave for Europe. I could sneak you aboard and hide you in a storage room below decks so the captain won’t find out. It’ll give you a chance to start your life over from scratch in a new place. And to be perfectly honest, you’re quite beautiful and, well, I could certainly use the company of a woman on these crossings.”
The woman gives it some thought and decides what the hell, she’ll do it. Maybe a fresh start is exactly what she needs, and it can’t be any worse than the state she’s already in.
So the man sneaks her aboard his ship, and during the journey he brings her food and water and makes love to her every night. Things continue this way for about a week.
One day the door to the storage room is opened and the captain is standing there with a look of shock at discovering this stowaway. “Who are you? What’s going on here?!” he demands.
The woman replies, “Well sir, I won’t lie. One of your sailors saw me on the verge of suicide at the pier back in New York. He promised me he’d take me on your ship’s voyage to Europe to start a new life and hide me down here with food and water, and in exchange he’s been screwing me”.
“Lady, I’ll say!” replied the captain. “This is the Staten Island ferry!”

So, there was this accordion player who just finished his 4th bar mitzvah of the week. He tossed his accordion in the back of his ’92 Geo Metro hatchback and took off for home.
As he drove, he rolled the windows down (with a manual handcrank) because his air conditioning was broken.
He tried to play his favorite cassette tape, Polka Floyd, but the music screetched to a halt as the tape from the cassette got hopelessly tangled in the tape deck.
More than a little irritated and depressed, he decided to stop at a pub and have a few drinks while he contemplated the shitty life choices that brought him to where he was.
He parked at the first bar he came to, walked inside, and started ordering cheap beer after cheap beer.
After his 5th drink, the sound of thunder boomed from outside. He figured he might as well keep drinking and wait for the rainstorm to pass by.
Suddenly, a thought occurred to him and he lept to his feet. He had remembered that he left his car’s windows down when he parked… and he remembered what happened the last time he failed to roll his windows up.
He ran outside and sprinted over to his car, through a heavy downpour. When he got to his car, he looked inside and saw, to his horror, what he expected:
*Two more accordions in his back seat next to his own*.

I’ve been depressed, lately, because I’m in my thirties and don’t have a girlfriend
My friends have tried to be supportive.
My wife has been a real jerk about the whole thing.

What code does a depressed programmer write?
“Goodbye world!”

don't care never care 😁