Funniest Chess Ignorances and Misapprehensions

Beyond the more mundane ones like not knowing castling or en passant, I once knew a person who told me that one cannot promote to a second queen because it's bigamy, and I once knew a person who insisted that one must say "guard" any time a queen is threatened.

What humorous experiences have you had in this vein?

This happened 20 years ago and it still makes me laugh. I played a person who believed the queen was able to fly over the board and land on any empty square (or capture an opponent's piece)!

I have heard of this but it has been sooo long ago that I forgot the reference.  Until today I had forgotten what the word was.

It is called "en garde" and is French and means take care, I think it is a good way to help a weaker player and I often use it while playing with friends.

I was aware it was an old custom and nicety, but this guy had elevated it to a rule. If an opponent threatened his queen without saying anything, he'd invariably say, in a slightly annoyed tone, "you're supposed to say 'guard' when when you attack the queen".

Just kind of funny.

I had one who wouldn't let me castle because my king had been in check. And one who won the game by flying his queen over the board, taking my queen, and calling checkmate.