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How to win chess (funny edition)

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IPlayChessAtTimes
1. Smother your opponents pieces in water and food
BrokenRocketBoat
Eat your enemy’s pieces
BrokenRocketBoat
(2)
Artyom_Chess_2024

3. Bring your cat to the tournament and it will eat or throw out your opponent's pieces when your position will be bad

RealTactics960
(4) play 1. f3 (or 1. f6 if black) and 2. g4 (or 2. g6 if black) and then hope he doesn’t fools mate you