Signs you're a bad chess player
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Sep 7, 2011
0
#42
If you think that chess titans level 10 can easily beat a grandmaster
chessdude46 wrote:
... you get kicked off a chess team of 3 people, and the team needs 4 people to compete.
lol This one is very good!
Thank you!
All of these are true for me:
1. You were 1200 2 years ago on another site, and it's taken you 2 years to work your way back up to 1000.
2. Your 7-year-old cousin is playing you and he says, "You are VERY EASY!"
3. Your colleagues at the chess club are debating the merits of the Najdorf vs. the Scheveningen, and you have no idea what they're actually discussing.
4. You drop your queen in a tournament, and your 10-year-old opponent laughs.
5. Your opponent gets both of your rooks in another tournament. For free.
6. Your opponent glares at you with utter contempt during a practice game.
7. Above opponent would rather do his math homework than play you.
8. "Good game" is the nicest thing you'll ever hear after you finish a game.
9. More than one chess coach has written you off as a lost cause.
10. You wonder why you're down a pawn or more after a so-called "exchange..."
Signs you're a bad chess player:
- After more than 50 years, Znosko-Borovsky's book "How Not to Play Chess" has been appended to include your games.
MyCowsCanFly wrote:
Signs you're a bad chess player:
After more than 50 years, Znosko-Borovsky's book "How Not to Play Chess" has been appended to include your games.I want that on a T-shirt or something.
Ive found that often bad players talk with their mouths, strong players with their pieces.
Sep 8, 2011
0
#49
ReasonableDoubt wrote
You think the four move checkmate is sneaky.
You have to remember "white on right" and "queen on her color" to set up a board correctly.
I've never heard of "white on right" before. And I never even realized that checkmate could be achieved in four moves until I joined this website.
In fact, most of what you said I don't even know about.
Ever have your opponent flip the table over after you checkmate him?
Your name is Worf.
Sep 9, 2011
0
#52
BobLorna wrote:
ReasonableDoubt wrote
You think the four move checkmate is sneaky.
You have to remember "white on right" and "queen on her color" to set up a board correctly.
I've never heard of "white on right" before. And I never even realized that checkmate could be achieved in four moves until I joined this website.
In fact, most of what you said I don't even know about.
Technically, the fastest checkmate is 1.f3 e5 2.g4 Qh4#.
So, to add someting to the list, "You know you're a bad chess player if you can loose a game in 2 moves". (Which I've already done in Live chess
).
theunderground702 wrote:
MyCowsCanFly wrote:
N2UHC wrote:
Signs you're a bad chess player
Your opponent refers to you as NN.
+1
+2
10 signs you're a bad chess player:
- The 7 year old you are playing against begins to give you pointers
- Your long term strategy involves capturing any pieces that you can
- Your opponent laughs tentatively after you double jump their knight and bishop with your pawn and declare "king me!"
- You think doubled pawns are twice as good.
- You open with 1. Na3 because you see that it has the highest win percentage in chess.com's game explorer
- Your idea of "opening preparation" is setting the pieces up on the right squares.
- The good thing about your game is that you've learned every type of mating pattern...
- You maneuver your rooks into the center in the opening, so that they have the largest possible range!
- Your idea of a trap is threatening one of your opponent's pieces and hoping they don't see it.
- You think the "good bishops" are the ones on your side and the "bad bishops" are your opponent's.
soothsayer8 wrote:
10 signs you're a bad chess player:
- The 7 year old you are playing against begins to give you pointers
- Your long term strategy involves capturing any pieces that you can
- Your opponent laughs tentatively after you double jump their knight and bishop with your pawn and declare "king me!"
- You think doubled pawns are twice as good.
- You open with 1. Na3 because you see that it has the highest win percentage in chess.com's game explorer
- Your idea of "opening preparation" is setting the pieces up on the right squares.
- The good thing about your game is that you've learned every type of mating pattern...
- You maneuver your rooks into the center in the opening, so that they have the largest possible range!
- Your idea of a trap is threatening one of your opponent's pieces and hoping they don't see it.
- You think the "good bishops" are the ones on your side and the "bad bishops" are your opponent's.
LOL
1 sign you're a bad chess player: You think you can castle when there is a piece between your king and the rook involved.
1. You think stalemates shall be abolished
2. You consider your iq superior to your elo as a good prognosis .
3. You can refute KIA, KID and Caro-Kann
4. You know that Morphy was bad positional player, and can provide y proofs to make your case.
5. You get a beer to celebrate your chess.com rating being four digits again .
6.You know exactly that bishop is worth 0.003 pawn more than a knight and can explain why.
7. You made a nice opening that was never played by anyone , and can surprise almost every opponent.
ReasonableDoubt wrote:
Your repertoire consists mostly of gambits.
You compare your style to Morphy.
Your idea of a tactic is taking a pinned piece.
You think pawn endings are simple.
You slap !! on half of your moves in the post-mortem, despite losing the game.
You bought Rybka instead of getting a stronger engine for free.
You think the four move checkmate is sneaky.
You think of your "style" as positional when in reality you're just scared of tactics.
You are either terrified of openings or you claim to be an expert in them.
You play long strings of theory despite not having a clue what is going on in the game.
You get Kasparov and Karpov mixed up.
You have to remember "white on right" and "queen on her color" to set up a board correctly.
You look at the letters and numbers when you notate.
Your idea of a strong move is one that "they won't expect".
You think that your chess.com rating is an accurate indication of your playing strength.
You think that GMs today are "wimpy" for having too many drawn games.
Your idea of psychology in chess is desperately trying to trade pieces whenever you play a stronger opponent.
You play Najdorf/Catalan and claim to fully understand it.
And last, but not least:
You are rated over 2700 turn-based at chess.com.
thanx, now I know for sure.
Sign you're a bad chess player:
You aspire to be considered a patzer. If you left chess.com, the average rating of the remaining members would increase by several points. After staff notice your poor play, you are the first member asked to leave chess.com for incompetence. This is my biggest fear. You've been advised to consider "Chess for Dummies" as advanced material. You find it easy to write a list of signs you're a bad chess player.That was easy.
My favorite post yet!