Signs you're a bad chess player

You tell your opponent before staring that you'll quickly just grab a coke and when you come back you use the bottle cap as the missing bishop.

You get a "G" on a chess test.

You have a "don't ask don't tell" rule for your rating.

You make it to the 8th rank with one of your pawns and you promote it to another pawn.

You move your pawn past the 8th rank and cry "I win!!"

 I refert to them as baby queens

That's what my mom taught me when I was really young. And being six years old - of course my mom knew everything and was never wrong.

She is still never wrong, you just choose to ignore her "truths"

and to add, you play Nc3 in responce to the Alekhine

You huff your opponent when he fails to capture your pieces.

cute You play e4 when white because some chess coach told you to

you play e4 because Bobby Fischer sait it was Best by Test

you play e5 in response to e4 for the same reasons

you prefer the black pieces because you dont want to be racist

How does this indicate a bad chess player?

This isn't an indication of a bad chess player either. It isn't as strong as 2. e5, but it's quite playable.

thats not the point, e5 is a natural move, and playing Nc3 is defensive, almost giving up the advantage of the first move

and best by test statement, means that you recklessly trust people and dont think and do research on what people tell you

2. e5 is the more natural move, I agree, as well as being stronger. Still, 2. Nc3 is not the earmark of a bad player, because White's position is still perfectly fine after that. It's not nearly as bad as, say, a Fool's Mate!

And, yes, recklessly trusting people, and not thinking and doing one's own research--those are what make a bad player. The "best by test" claim is not, of itself, so bad at all, but the reasons you gave are very bad, and those are what I was waiting to see. 

You play Philidor's defense because you always have.

When you have to make fun of other players, so you can feel superior.

Whoa, this thread isn't meant to be mean to anyone. If you look through it it's more or less just a collection of chess jokes. Except for Jetfighter13's latest posts, which are a little mean, but he's the only one.

sorry bout that, how bout if you post a game and after posting it that you made a horrendous blunder and suddenly delete it like i just did

I think we are just making fun of ourselves.

You always carry an aerosol can with a lighter to tournaments. Although you've never used them, if things get really bad on the board you're fairly sure you can work them and turn yourself into a human torch and get a draw, as well as a little sympathy. 

Or turn the flame on the board and your opponent and claim they spontaneously combusted.