Chess Jokes anyone?

Chess is pretty serious. Why not lighten up the mood. Anyone know any good chess related jokes?

ya sure

Well, there's an old classic that you've probably all heard...

There was a large chess tournament held at a hotel, and after the first few games, some of the players gathered in the lobby to talk quite loudly amongst themselves about their various victories. They would boast about their brilliant strategies, sharp tactics, cunning endgame play, each trying to brag of a more impressive victory than the others.

After a while, the manager of the hotel came over and asked them to disperse. "You're disturbing the other guests", he told them. The group of chess players seemed unhappy about this, but they left the lobby to find a more private area to continue their conversation.

Once they were gone, one of the other hotel employees asked the manager, "Why did you ask them to leave the lobby? None of the other guests have complained."

The manager replied, "I just can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!"

--Fromper 

What happens when Black's Knight (M) meets White's Knight (F) in
the middle of the board?

A Knightmare.

 :"punderful!!!" nat king cole must be spinning in his grave.

what the.................... em....................ye.................what is wrong with you .................RDGDR........XVHFDUY..........I LIKE  TO SOIL MYSELF 

from the refered page I quote this

2 friends see themselves by the street and one of them says:
- My wife says that if tomorrow I go to the chess match, it will take my children and it will leave me.

The other friend asks to him:
- And what you will do?

And the other answers to him:
- E4, how always!

 lol...haha that one made my day. cheesy chess jokes.

This doesn't make sense. This is because the guy who posted it wrote it in Spanish and used an online translator to convert it to english.

In spanish it would say: (if this is wrong, forgive me: I'm taking spanish 1)

Dos amigos se ven por la calle y uno de ellos dice:

Mi esposa dice que si mañana voy al partido de ajedrez, tomará mis hijos y me salirá.

 El otro amigo le pregunta:

¿Y qué hacerás?

 Y el otro le contesta:

¡E4, como siempre!

 Let's dissect the first part.

Dos amigos se ven por la calle y uno de ellos dice:

Two friends see themselves by the street and one of them says:

In spanish, "se" is a reflexive pronoun. That means that when "se" is used, it is an objective pronoun referring to the subject of the sentence. That means that the subject of the sentence is the object. Because of this, "se" usually means "itself". But when the "se" refers to more than one thing, the "se" can mean themselves or each other. Either way, the subjects are still the objects. The people doing the action, together, still see both people doing the action. In the case of the joke, each other makes more sense. But online translators will translate it as themselves.

Let's dissect the next part.

 Mi esposa dice que si mañana voy al partido de ajedrez, tomará mis hijos y me salirá.

I'll break this into two parts. 

Mi esposa dice que si mañana voy al partido de ajedrez...

My wife says that if tomorrow I go to the match of chess...

Most people would not structure the sentence like that. Instead:  My wife says that if I go to the chess match tomorrow...

In spanish, people generally put an adverb before a clause. In English, people generally put adverbs after a clause, though it is not incorrect not to do so.

As for the "match of chess" and "chess match", either it was entered "ajedrez partido," or the translator was smart enough to change it.

 ...tomará mis hijos y me salirá.

He/she/it/you will take my children and he/she/it/you will leave me.

In spanish, one does not need to say the subject before a verb. So if I were to say "He is a dog," I could say either "Él es un perro," or "Es un perro." (Él means he and es means is.)

So with the verb tomará, the subject has already been stated (my wife). Therefore, the speaker feels no need to state the subject again, or to use a pronoun (ella/she). Yet when translators see the verb without a subject, it looks at its conjugation. The verb tomará is conjugated for él, ella, or usted. (Él - he/it. Ella - she/it. Usted - (formal) you.) So the translator assume that "it" is the subject, and translates it as "it will take," when the correct translation is "she will take."

The "salirá" being translated as "it will leave" is the same thing.

Here's another line:

"El otro amigo le pregunta:"

The other friend asks to him. 

In spanish, if a human or a pet of anything in english that would not be referred to as an  "it" is the direct object of a sentence, it needs an "a" in front of it, which means "to".

So because "him" is a human, and he is the direct object of the sentence, he needs an "a" in front of "him". Then "him" would be translated as "él". But for there to be an "a él," there needs to be a "le". So the sentence could be translated as

" El otro amigo le pregunta a él:"

Now, because the "le" is present, the "a él" is no longer necessary, but it can specify to whom the "le" refers. But because there are only two people mentioned, the "a él" is not necessasry, because it is obvious to whom the other friend is talking. But the translator does not know the differences between english and spanish grammatical structure, and sees "le" as "to him".

The section after that is the same thing. (And the other answers to him.)

The last line:

 ¡E4, como siempre!

E4, how always!

This part is the easiest to understand. This should be like always, but in spanish, "like" and "how" are the same word: como. Translators always choose how over like.

That's it. If you did not understand this, ask me about it. 

This one made me smile, it's from the link from one of the topmost messages..

 A chess master died - after a few days, a friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
"What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news."
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, it's really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and Morphy, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Botvinnik, they're all here, and you can play them."
"Fantastic!" the friend said, "and what is the bad news?"
"You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."