What do you call a wife from the Czech republic? A Czech-mate
Knock knock (who's there) check (Check who) checkmate!
Chess Jokes anyone?
Sort:
Ok, most of these jokes are e4, let's try something new.
The room was nearly full when Danny came in, meekly peering about as he knew he was late. He was only 12, and usually played with another boy a couple of years older, or with one of the weaker adult players. But Nate (the 14-year-old) was already playing a woman who had just taken up chess herself, who felt safer playing the young boy-- for various reasons. Practically everyone was just out of the opening, except he saw one pair shaking hands and he hurried up. He asked the one to a game, but the fellow had to leave early, he had had barely enough time for a blitz game with the club leader.
The club leader! Danny, having run up so eagerly, could not back out of a game with the Feared Beard as he and Nate referred to him. Danny got the white pieces, but only for a little while as they quickly fell into the club leader's hands.
Exasperated, Danny studied the board for a full ten minutes, sulking with his cheeks in his palms. Then, through the ranks of remaining pieces, he saw it- a brilliant sacrifice that would really show up Nate and the whole club. With gleaming eye and sudden stroke he threw his knight into the ranks of the enemy king's bodyguard, rolling his rooks like panzers across the board, each move played with the flair of a fencer wielding his rapier, bringing the pieces down with thunderclaps that drew everyone to forget their own games and come watch the boy take on the mighty defender.
The black pieces reeled and fell to the onslaught of white lightning, their improvised attempts to plug the breach failing to the harsh fire of the bishop pair, their maneuvers blocked by the stalwart towers, and at last the deadly queen leapt into the breach and hunted down the black king. Checkmate! Danny had prevailed, to the praise of everyone.
Nate stood by, wondering about the soundness of Danny's play, but it seemed so obvious that it must not be- how could the club leader miss it? But after Danny's triumph had died down, he overcame his embarrasment and murmured to the club leader- 'Once he moved his rook to, to d7 I think it was, wasn't it a back-rank mate? I know I'm missing something, but... why didn't you play Re1 there?'
The club leader quickly looked about and leaned in, so that the youngster wouldn't be embarrased it seemed, and he responded quietly, 'Why didn't I checkmate him? He was so excited, it would have been heartless.'
doctor-ice wrote:
Fromper wrote:
Well, there's an old classic that you've probably all heard...
There was a large chess tournament held at a hotel, and after the first few games, some of the players gathered in the lobby to talk quite loudly amongst themselves about their various victories. They would boast about their brilliant strategies, sharp tactics, cunning endgame play, each trying to brag of a more impressive victory than the others.
After a while, the manager of the hotel came over and asked them to disperse. "You're disturbing the other guests", he told them. The group of chess players seemed unhappy about this, but they left the lobby to find a more private area to continue their conversation.
Once they were gone, one of the other hotel employees asked the manager, "Why did you ask them to leave the lobby? None of the other guests have complained."
The manager replied, "I just can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!"
--Fromper
:"punderful!!!" nat king cole must be spinning in his grave.
The song was actually written by Mel Torme. Later performed by Nat Cole. :)
Ok, this one frm Me....
One morning while Topalov was jogging in the park smiled @ a B'ful Bulgarian damsel.
Girl: (smiled) I think i've seen U sumwhere?
Topa: m so famous (infamous). U might hv seen me in da recent World- Champ'shp
Girl: Might be. Which news channel U work for?
syrianchessmaster wrote:
"So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov - Problem was, we had a checkered tablecloth and it took him two hours to pass the salt!"
this one ws hilarious
Frasier: I can see why she likes the game - "the king is stationary, the queen has all the power".Hah Only funny if you understand it .. :\
1.c4, the most explosive move on the board.
Well, since this was bumped...
I don't get this one:
"So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov - Problem was, we had a checkered tablecloth and it took him two hours to pass the salt!"
And I don't get this one:
Elwood wrote:
Also from the link provided:
Three retired International chess grandmasters were playing chess in the park.
The first grandmaster said, "it is windy today."
The second grandmaster said, "no, it is Thursday today".
The third grandmaster said, "me too, let's go back inside for a drink"
Ha! "It's thursday today." Now that is chess thinking!
What's bumped?
i beat a chess master in 3 moves turns out he sucks at karate
Not exactly a joke but a true chess story that I think is funny. John and Mack are playing speed chess in the local coffee shop, and they have a dispute about the game. One thing leads to another and Mack gives John a shove. John calls the police. The police arrive and say "tell us what happened". John starts moving the pieces around, "Okay, this was the position..."
yo hablo espanol tambien, but I ddn know Norwegians took everythin' so seriously though met one or two tourists in Tobago, an' neither of 'em had a proper sense of humour either
The Scandinavian defense was named after them in irony...