HOW TO BECAME A INTERNATIONAL MASTER IN TWO(2) YEARS.

I'd settle for FM in 3 yrs

It's really easy to become an IM.  All you have to do is beat IMs!  Sounds simple to me, you just have to win a lot of chess games.

I can do it in one year,,,,but light years , I mean....!

Female master? I Know some places where you can do this in 6 months.....

That's a translation of a well-known article in Russian. However, the statement the WGM makes is that one can reach IM-level in two years from 2200. And she says it takes 2 more years to get to 2200. Also, it holds for the Russian chess school only...

Wouldn't that be a TGM?

@ Trant

Tomáš Garrigue Masaryk? Now I'm confused. If you don't know who he is, look him up on wikipedia.

No, his FIDE rating is 2089.

EDIT: Actually he doesn't appear to be on the FIDE list...

 A light year is merely the distance light travels in a year.

Why not? I went from hardly knowing how to play to 1420 in less than a year. But the first half is not as hard as the last half is it?

Oh, ok, that clears things up.

Russian sure are crazy with their chess

Absolutely.  In my opinion, after a certain point, the rating scale is almost logarithmic in terms of differencing skill levels. In other words, if a 1600 knows X "units of chess knowledge/patterns" more than a 1500, then a 1700-1800 probably needs to know 10X that of a 1600, if not more. 

Basically, the work required to climb the same rating jumps you did at the lower class levels is a fraction of what you need at the higher ones.

unfortualy it isn't so easy to become an IM

For a lot off people maybe yes,- but mostly no.
Offcourse everybody can improve there games,- but thats not the same as everybody can become an IM

That's right, pretty much like any skill really, as a neophyte you can often make a lot of progress you first week/month/year. 

Among social players who just play family/a few friends and probably less than 10-20 games a year I believe after a month of guidance (and the will to do so) such a player will be able to beat all their former peers (casual players) with a very high success rate.

I've heard in Russia they have a similar types of programs, where if you have the will they will provide a way to get to 2200 in two years, and 2400 in another 2 years (why does that sound familiar )

Kackparov ought to get there in less time than that, since he's an FM now.

don't forget an intimidating body guard named Lebron and the skill and talent of a kid chess prodigy with all the free time in the world to learn

One of the big obstacles to reaching a master rating is the single minded concentration required. Most of us just can't seem to set aside our personal problems and these distract us and we blunder. Doubts about whether we are wasting our time. Anger over a opponent's stubborn refusal to resign a totally lost game. Overconfidence with its subsequent relaxation of concentration in seemingly won positions. Inability to stop playing when one is mentally exhausted or sleepy. All these  factors work together to set a barrier that most find impenetrable. In contrast those who do reach masterhood seem to have the uncanny ability to become temporary unworrying un feeling and undisrtractable machines. In short, one has to dehumanize oneself repeatedly in order to reach the master level of play. 

BTW

There are two things which are bothering me about this website.

1. I can't see the board positions.

2. Whenever I try to use the spell-checker the text dissapears.

 The pancake is a lie.

By Newton's First Law of Investments.

I would need a whiteboard to explain fully.

In a vacuum.