Advanced Blunder Specialist
About Me:
Welcome to my profile, where chessboard dreams meet reality checks. I’m the guy who’ll pull off a 15-move opening theory masterpiece only to blunder a rook because I "wanted to spice things up." My ELO might say advanced, but my moves sometimes scream beginner's luck.
Playing Style:
Openings: 90% preparation, 10% panic.
Middlegame: A beautiful chaos of plans I don’t fully understand.
Endgame: I could study pawn structures, but I prefer winging it and hoping for perpetual checks.
Favorite Openings:
The Sicilian Defense (because it sounds intimidating).
The King’s Indian Attack (the only attack I can pull off without attacking anything).
The Bongcloud (just once, to assert dominance and confuse my opponent into submission).
My Strengths:
Spotting mate-in-1 opportunities... 3 moves too late.
Memorizing opening names but forgetting the moves.
Flagging opponents in bullet chess with 0.3 seconds on my clock.
My Weaknesses:
Knights. Seriously, why do they move like that?
Calculating 7 moves ahead but missing the obvious fork in move 2.
Staying calm when my opponent does anything unexpected.
Famous Last Words During a Game:
“I’ve got this under control.”
“What could possibly go wrong?”
“Oh, that’s not checkmate?”
Biggest Achievements:
Losing a 40-move game to a pre-teen prodigy in 5 minutes.
Drawing against a titled player who “had to leave for dinner.”
Spending 10 minutes on a single move only to hang my queen.
Favorite Chess Quote:
"Every move I make is a trap—mostly for myself."
Goals:
Finally beat that one friend who only plays the Fried Liver Attack.
Learn how to play an endgame without Google.
Reach 2000 ELO so I can claim I’m almost a GM to non-chess friends.
Fun Fact:
I once played a perfect game—because I accidentally clicked the 'Analyze' button before move 1.